I was looking through kinkybellababy’s blog (great posts, very insightful) and I wasn’t really thinking about polyamory until I came across her Poly Diversity post. I read it once and liked it immediately then I read it again. The sceond read through I caught a part of the post that just resonated with me on a deep level:
“To me, the relationships developed in poly do not all have to be all consuming, they don’t all have to be sexual, they don’t even all have to be local or real life. I have had many very, very close friendships that developed purely online. Life is filled with infinite connections with other people. The joys of alternative lifestyles allow us to follow the rabbit trails and explore those connections. Many wonderful, amazing, relationships on all sorts of varying levels come from those explorations and our lives are made richer for the experiences.”
Those words made me think about my own relationships. First off, I am, in case I forgot to mention, a lesbian. Wait, how can you be a lesbian and be dating a guy? I asked myself that question all the time until I stumbled on the word biromantic. Simply put that means that you can be romantically attracted to the same gender as yourself and different ones. So after figuring out my romantic orientation things become clearer in my life.
Secondly I am poly. And like everything else in my life I wondered where that fit in with mine and Sir’s relationship. It took longer to figure that out but after we talked about it we realized that, for us, poly was second nature. It wasn’t until recently (like last Friday when I came across the Poly Diversity post) that I gave any thought to my type of poly. I was texting both Sir and my very best friend at the time when it hit me. I was in a poly v and I was the hinge.
I came to to this realization after I read the passage quoted at the beginning of this post. My relationships are set up like this: Sir is my Dom/confidant/lover and then there is my best friend (Doll) who is my go to girl/someone I am romantically attracted to (it’s one-sided)/my closest friend. I consider it a V type of poly because one a.) Sir and Doll have both my time in completely different ways that never cross and b.) I am attracted to them both for at least one of the same reasons: intelligence. Both of them are funny and charming but it was their smarts that made me love them like I do.
Intelligence has always been a major turn on to me (the biggest turn on really). When most of my friends were gushing over looks (which isn’t a bad thing just not /my/ thing) I wanted to know the brain behind the body. And if, in my eyes, they didn’t have that I didn’t bother with them.
I guess the point of this post is that poly is as diverse as people are and we would do good to remember that. Thanks for reading my rambling and thank you to kinkybellababy for the great post that inspired this one!