Bad days and CSI

Today was, all summed up, one of my bad days. I woke up this morning not wanting to go to work which is weird for me because I love my work. That was my first sign that today was going to be less than desirable.

My second sign that morning was being pressured about my future (again). I have my Associates degree and now am being hounded to get my Bachelors (even though I want to wait at least a year before I do that).

My day did get a bit better at work because I got a surprise and it brightened my slow day. Had some issues with my paycheck but I think they are sorted out.

Now I am at home watching the only season of CSI I own in an effort to end my day on a good note. And anyway I was thinking that beyond people and books, tv shows are something I rely on to get me through a bad day because almost no matter what you are watching there is a character going through something similar to you and thus makes you feel less alone. Characters in shows and books often become more family than your own family (and cause no drama in your life, unless the show/book series ends of course).

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Poly comics

So I am an avid Tumblr user and that leads me to discovering all sorts of things be it tips for cleaning, food, or life in general. Or even into about things I am (a sub, poly, pagan) that I hadn’t come across.

Anyway, months ago I stumbled upon a great Tumblr blog called KimchiCuddles and it was a long running (and still running) comic about polyamory. Well of course I dove right in and immersed myself in this funny, touching, thought-provoking serial comic strip. Now why am I making this blog post you ask? Because I feel like rambling about one of the central blogs people bring up when talking polyamory.

(Another is the website morethantwo.com which I know a lot of people are familiar with myself included) Anyway, KimchiCuddles is a wonderful, entertaining, easy to get into comic about ‘Kim’ and her vast network of poly people (base on real people in ‘Kim’s life. There’s even a handy chart on the Tumblr to help old fans and new ones keep track) as they go through everyday life and Kim even answers readers questions every Sunday.

So enough of my ramblings, I just thought I’d pop in and wax poetic about my favorite polyamorous comic. (The Tumblr for it is: KimchiCuddles.com) Happy reading!

Birthday plans

So today is my birthday and before anyone asks no I really don’t feel older. Anyway so here are my plans for the day:

1. Do the little bit of laundry I was too lazy to do yesterday.
2. Veg out on Netflix
3. Look out the window every five minutes for the mail to run (Sir’s gift should be here today)
4. Go to Olive Garden tonight and Books-A-Million, indulging in both some wine and at least one book.

Kink magazines

I was wandering through the polyamory tag on Tumblr and someone brought up magazines for polyamory and that got me thinking about kink mags. I mean I know there is Elust which is a kink digest online and I came across an online Dungeon Quarterly once. But what about actually glossy hold-in-your-hands magazine? I mean someone must put out some independent magazine at least once or something. I just wish I knew where to find that. It would be nice to have something to read about kink that isn’t another fiction book or a non-fiction how-to guide.

The Freedom To Bite Your Tongue

I know we all know about freedom of speech and how great (or not so great) it can be. But what about the freedom to bite your tongue? What I mean by that is there are times when, for whatever reason it is not a good idea to voice your opinions. There are some people who say fuck it and speak their mind anyway (and more power to them). But what about those of us  who, by voicing contrary opinions, stand to loose say, family respect or something else important? I am one of those people who is very opinionated yet chose to bite my tongue rather than say what I am thinking.

There are several reasons for this, the main one being for me that I don’t want to be cut off from my family. I hold a lot of opinions that my family does not. Thoughts about gay marriage, lgbtqa things, and alternative lifestyles in general that include kink and polyamory both of which are huge parts of my life. My family, however much I love them, are all very conservative which means that I never get to voice my different opinions without either being chewed out or asked questions about my reasoning that are traps for me to out myself. 

When I met Sir for the first time I told him my opinions on things up front (at the time I was bisexual and monogamous and semi-pagan) which he appreciated I think as he is very outspoken himself. To me it is easier to tell everything I believe or stand for to someone who, I guess, I already have the potential to loose (through break-ups, fights, or relationship issues). Telling these opinions to my family however is like stepping out in a field where you know there are landmines. It could be easier if you didn’t know how a family member feels about certain issues but unfortunately for me I have heard all the possible landmines every time my family gets together for dinner. 

I hate conflict. I mean I hate it so much that even the thought of hypothetical conflicts makes me panic. And don’t even get me started on actual conflicts that I can see from a mile away. Those send me into a panic attack that, by the time the conflict actually comes up I’ve spiraled into an anxiety attack and am in the bathroom with the door locked. That is another reason I take the biting my tongue approach to issues that deal with things that are major parts of my life (though thank goodness that kink rarely gets bashed or brought up in conversation…poly doesn’t either so that’s a respite of sorts).

So what is the point of this post? Well, unfortunately lovely reader there is no point to it really. I was just sitting in church tonight and listening to other people’s opinions about things and realized that I hardly ever voice my own to anyone besides Sir and doll and that is what sparked this post.  Let me sign off by saying thanks for reading my ramblings and I hope something in here made you think.

What Is A Good Dominant

thekinkyworldofvile

You know while it is not written anywhere Dominants do have what is called a code of Honor.

At one time what set us apart were the strict protocols that were put in place, and there was a time not only did those who were slaves and submissive followed them, but Dominants did as well.

In the lifestyle we were held to higher standards , because well not only was it expected, but we were leaders. Sometime ago it took a very long time for a Dominant to become recognized within the community, it was not a title that was just giving out or a title someone could claim. As a Matter of fact many were not accepted in the local community just because of who they were and what they stood for.
So yes there was a time when protocol’s were indeed protocol’s and they were followed.

Then the…

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The Oddest Poly V (At Least To Me)!

I was looking through kinkybellababy’s blog (great posts, very insightful) and I wasn’t really thinking about polyamory until I came across her Poly Diversity post. I read it once and liked it immediately then I read it again. The sceond read through I caught a part of the post that just resonated with me on a deep level:

“To me, the relationships developed in poly do not all have to be all consuming, they don’t all have to be sexual, they don’t even all have to be local or real life. I have had many very, very close friendships that developed purely online. Life is filled with infinite connections with other people. The joys of alternative lifestyles allow us to follow the rabbit trails and explore those connections. Many wonderful, amazing, relationships on all sorts of varying levels come from those explorations and our lives are made richer for the experiences.”

Those words made me think about my own relationships. First off, I am, in case I forgot to mention, a lesbian. Wait, how can you be a lesbian and be dating a guy? I asked myself that question all the time until I stumbled on the word biromantic. Simply put that means that you can be romantically attracted to the same gender as yourself and different ones. So after figuring out my romantic orientation things become clearer in my life. 

Secondly I am poly. And like everything else in my life I wondered where that fit in with mine and Sir’s relationship. It took longer to figure that out but after we talked about it we realized that, for us, poly was second nature. It wasn’t until recently (like last Friday when I came across the Poly Diversity post) that I gave any thought to my type of poly. I was texting both Sir and my very best friend at the time when it hit me. I was in a poly v and I was the hinge. 

I came to to this realization after I read the passage quoted at the beginning of this post. My relationships are set up like this: Sir is my Dom/confidant/lover and then there is my best friend (Doll) who is my go to girl/someone I am romantically attracted to (it’s one-sided)/my closest friend. I consider it a V type of poly because one a.) Sir and Doll have both my time in completely different ways that never cross and b.) I am attracted to them both for at least one of the same reasons: intelligence. Both of them are funny and charming but it was their smarts that made me love them like I do. 

Intelligence has always been a major turn on to me (the biggest turn on really). When most of my friends were gushing over looks (which isn’t a bad thing just not /my/ thing) I wanted to know the brain behind the body. And if, in my eyes, they didn’t have that I didn’t bother with them.

I guess the point of this post is that poly is as diverse as people are and we would do good to remember that. Thanks for reading my rambling and thank you to kinkybellababy for the great post that inspired this one!